As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
