I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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