I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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