I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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