Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
