How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize