she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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