You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
