i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
