No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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