The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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