After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
