Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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