she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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