a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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