she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
