:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
