Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
