Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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