Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
