I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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