Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
