If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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