I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just gargled with NyQuil
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize