He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
