I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
