craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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