Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize