nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
