Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
