there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
