She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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