FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
