Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
