Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
