it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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