Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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