But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
