I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
