Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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