12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
