I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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