he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
