i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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