i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
