You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
