Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
