No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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