so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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