As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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