I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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