she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
