Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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