Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
