The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
