whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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