Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
