You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
