dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
