We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
