we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
