girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize