Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize