I should be sponsored by Trojan
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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