Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
